THE 2012 COMMERCIAL GIRL DRAFT BOARD

On a football-filled New Year’s Night several bright, intelligent TV watchers began discussing over Twitter some of the comely ladies who grace our flatscreens during commercial breaks. One thing lead to another and I am proud to announce the inaugural Commercial Girl Draft.
The rules are simple: If she is in a commercial she can be drafted. The only restrictions are ladies in ads promoting a TV show or Movie or ladies who achieved mainstream Film/TV fame before appearing in the commercial. Sorry, but the Famous Actresses Draft is for another time.
After all the participants gathered, their twitter handles were placed in a data randomizer and the result would be the final draft order. The 2012 Commercial Girl draft order was:

1. TheGuruStu
2. Titanium_R_A
3. JNorris25
4. Rights_of_bill
5. JoeInBugaha
6. DeanNoLongerInO
7. Fidoz
8. MastTerBase
9. Duncanstein (me)
10. Derse12
11. TheFrancisPablo

After minutes of vigorous scouting, the various general managers considered such things as arm slots, explosivity, and hip swivel. Their deliberations lead to the biggest decisions they would ever make in life. Without any further ado, the order of Commercial Girl draftees (along with links to their commercials) is below:

NOTE: The Commercial Girl Draft is for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance between this and any real entry draft, past or present, is purely coincidental. Seeking Your Own Satori, its contributors, Ape Donkey, and all drafters sincerely thank the ladies involved for the work they do and want nothing more than to keep the tone of this draft light-hearted and complimentary.

FIRST ROUND

Pick	Overall	Drafter	Commercial Girl
1	1	TheGuruStu	Romolicious from the NFL Network Fantasy Football Commercial
2	2	Titanium_R_A	Reebok Easy Tone Girl
3	3	JNorris25	College in PJ’s girl from Education Connection
4	4	Rights_of_Bill	Golfer mom from Zyrtec commercial
5	5	JoeInBugaha	Jessica Frech, The Singing Hyundai Guitarist Girl
6	6	DeanNoLongerInO	The Girl From 4E From State Farm
7	7	Fidoz	The Date from Heineken’s “The Date” commercial
8	8	MastTerBase	Blonde from the Kumho Tires Beach Commercial
9	9	Duncanstein	Andrea Bogart, the weather lady from AT&T’s “Hey Marcel!” commercial
10	10	Derse12	The British girl from the Old Spice Commercial (video semi-NSFW)
11	11	TheFrancisPablo	Sally from the Subway “Betrayal” commercial

SECOND ROUND

Pick	Overall	Drafter	Commercial Girl
1	12	TheGuruStu	The Facebook Girl form the Toyota Venza Commercial
2	13	Titanium_R_A	The lady from the “Don’t Close the…Dooooor” House Hunters on HGTV promo
3	14	JNorris25	The Treadmill Girl from the Worx Energy Commercial
4	15	Rights_of_Bill	The Vegas Road Trip Girl from the Crest 3D White Strips Commercial
5	16	JoeInBugaha	Denise from Taco Bell
6	17	DeanNoLongerInO	The “Change Me Back” (After) Girl from State Farm’s Anniversary Ad
7	18	Fidoz	The T-Mobile Girl.
8	19	MastTerBase	Nicole Taylor, the Corona Beach Getaway Checkout Line Girl
9	20	Duncanstein	Purple Dress Girl from State Farm’s “Dark Side” Ad
10	21	Derse12	The Original Orbit Girl, Vanessa Branch
11	22	TheFrancisPablo	Samantha from the Subway Ads

THIRD ROUND

Pick	Overall	Drafter	Commercial Girl
1	23	TheGuruStu	“Daddy Don’t Want No Cologne” Girl from Best Buy’s “Disproportionately-Huge-Rage-at-Santa” Campaign.
2	24	Titanium_R_A	Nathalie Kelley from the Schick Quattro Ad
3	25	JNorris25	Milana Dadamjana of Zippearz.com Earphones
4	26	Rights_of_Bill	The Lexus Elevator Girl
5	27	JoeInBugaha	The Super C-U-T-E Old Navy Kim Kardashian Lookalike
6	28	DeanNoLongerInO	Go Daddy Girl Who Was Knocked Out By a Locker Door*
7	29	Fidoz	Blue Print Dress iPod Touch Enjoyer
8	30	MastTerBase	Tore Miesi, model famous for the Benefiber Commercial
9	31	Duncanstein	The Agent from State Farm’s “Leather Pants” commercial
10	32	Derse12	The Mother (first one) from the Worx Commercial
11	33	TheFrancisPablo	Marina, 27, from a Proactive Commercial I Cannot Track Down Anywhere

FOURTH ROUND

Pick	Overall	Drafter	Commercial Girl
1	34	TheGuruStu	Natalie Garza, one of the most recent Doublemint Twins from 2005
		Titanium_R_A	CONCLUDED HIS PARTICIPATION IN THE FIRST FIVE ROUNDS
2	35	JNorris25	Eleanor Wells of the Sketchers Shape-Ups ad
		Rights_of_Bill	MISSED DRAFT TIME LIMIT, MOVED TO END OF ROUND
3	36	JoeInBugaha	Blonde Miller Lite Cabana Bartender
4	37	DeanNoLongerInO	The Pitchlady from the the Shakeweight commercial
5	38	Fidoz	Verizon “Rule The Air” Lady
6	39	MastTerBase	Lingerie Wearer from the Windows Phone “Really?!” Commercial”
7	40	Duncanstein	The McDonald’s “Pet Name” Girl
8	41	Derse12	The Miller Lite “Momma’s Boy” Bartender
9	42	TheFrancisPablo	Lauren Ashley Bishop of Mini Babybel fame
10	43	Rights_of_Bill	Esurance “You DJ On the Weekends?” Girl

FIFTH ROUND

Pick	Overall	Drafter	Commercial Girl
1	44	TheGuruStu	Nicole Garza, The Second Doublemint Twin from 2005
		Titanium_R_A	CONCLUDED HIS PARTICIPATION IN THE FIRST FIVE ROUNDS
2	45	JNorris25	The Lay’s Potato Chip Redhead
3	46	Rights_of_Bill	Taco Bell Denise’s Co-Worker
4	47	JoeInBugaha	Girlfriend of the Crying Miller Lite Airport Guy
5	48	DeanNoLongerInO	Ginger Date Searcher from Zooks
6	49	Fidoz	The Labcoated *ahem* “Scientist” from the Trojan Bareskin Ad
7	50	MastTerBase	Very Skilled Blonde in the Tic Tacs Commercial*
8	51	Duncanstein	KGB SMS Knowledge Base Girl
9	52	Derse12
10	53	TheFrancisPablo	The Miller Lite “Man Purse” Bartender

This concluded the “Commercial Girl” selection of our little thought exercise (I say “thought exercise” because it sounds more sophisticated than “Pervfest”). But there’s one last round: The Coach’s Round. Here, our intrepid GM’s choose from the field of ANY currently-running TV show to “coach” the squad they created. After all, what is TV but the next level up from TV commercials? Leadership is big.

SIXTH ROUND—THE COACH’S ROUND

Pick	Drafter	Commercial Girl “Coach”
1	TheGuruStu	Maria Bello–Prime Suspect
	Titanium_R_A
2	JNorris25	April Bowlby–Drop Dead Diva
3	Rights_of_Bill	Elisha Cuthbert–Happy Endings
4	JoeInBugaha	Cobie Smulders–How I Met Your Mother*
5	DeanNoLongerInO	The Girl from TMZ With the Horn-Rimmed Glasses, who is not only a real person but popular enough to be a suggested search term on Google.
6	Fidoz	Aubrey Plaza–Parks and Recreation
7	MastTerBase	Gillian Jacobs–Community
8	Duncanstein	Jane Levy–Suburgatory
	Derse12
9	TheFrancisPablo	Katie Aselton–The League

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WAIVER WIRE

Every sports fan knows that the week after any draft is rife with “final touch” moves as each organization scrambles to get in the best position possible. Sadly, that means draftees (especially late-round draftees) are released in favor of an undrafted free agent. The first of such moves was made today. It (and any subsequent ones) is outlined below:

Drafter	Waived Commercial Girl	Acquired Commercial Girl
MastTerBase	Skilled Tic Tac Lady (Rd 5, 50)	Aveeno Girl in the field with the young child
JoeInBugaha	Cobie Smulders (Coach)	Kaley Cuoco
DeanNoLongerInO	GoDaddy Locker Girl (Rd 3, 28)	Girl from the “Hottie to Nottie” Worx ad
MastTerBase	Aveeno Girl in the field with the young child (WAIVER)	Eharmony “iPhone users have my sex” girl

FINAL ROSTERS—As Of February 5, 2012

Manager	Roster
TheGuruStu	Romolicious, Toyota Venza Facebook, “Daddy Don’t Want No Cologne,” Doublemint Twin 1, Doublemint Twin 2, Maria Bello (Coach)
Titanium_R_A	Reebok Easy Tone, House Hunters “Don’t Close the Door,” Schick Quattro,
JNorris25	College in PJ’s, Worx Treadmill, Zippearz.com Earphones, Sketchers Shape-Ups, Lays Potato Chip Readhead, April Bowlby (Coach)
Rights_of_Bill	Zyrtec Golfer Mom, Crest 3D Vegas Road Trip, Lexus Elevator, Esurance “Do You DJ?” Taco Bell Denise’s Co-Worker, Elisha Cuthbert (Coach)
JoeInBugaha	Hyundai Singer, Taco Bell Denise, Super C-U-T-E, Blonde Miller Lite Cabana, Crying Miller Lite Airport Girlfriend, Cobie Smulders (Coach)
DeanNoLongerInO	Girl From 4E, State Farm “Change Me Back” (after), GoDaddy Knocked Out By Locker Door, Shakeweight Pitchlady, Zooks ginger, Glasses TMZ Girl (Coach)
Fidoz	Heinekin Date, T-Mobile Girl, iPod Touch Blue Dress, Verizon “Rule The Air,” Trojan Bare Skin Scientist, Aubrey Plaza (Coach)
MastTerBase	Kumho Tires Girl, Corona Beach Getaway Checkout Line, Benefiber Model, Windows Phone Lingerie, eHarmony iPhone Girl, Jillian Jacobs (Coach)
Duncanstein	“Hey Marcel” Weather Girl, State Farm “Dark Side” Sensitivity Blonde, State Farm “Leather Pants” Agent, McDonalds “Pet Name,” KGB SMS Text Service, Jane Levy (Coach)
Derse12	British Old Spice, Original Orbit Girl, Worx Mother, Miller Lite “Momma’s Boy,”
TheFrancisPablo	Subway Sally, Subway Samantha, Proactive Marina, 27, Lauren Ashley Bishop of Mini Babybel, Miller Lite “Man Purse,” Katie Aselton (Coach)

What is the next step in the 2012 Commercial Girl Draft? Who knows? Maybe it'll be a fountain of numerous inside jokes, maybe it'll be the start of a grand tradition, maybe it'll be a source of unfathomable embarrassment in a few years. Either way there will be a permanent record of what we did to start the new year somewhere. One thing is for sure: The next time somebody says the T-Mobile Girl is a first-rounder, we finally have definitive proof that she is not. Something great happened over the long weekend. It just didn't happen here.

NOTE: The Commercial Girl Draft is for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance between this and any real entry draft, past or present, is purely coincidental. Seeking Your Own Satori, its contributors, Ape Donkey, and all drafters sincerely thank the ladies involved for the work they do and want nothing more than to keep the tone of this draft light-hearted and complimentary.